I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I checked into jail on foursquare
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
