She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
