Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
