So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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