yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
