All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
