She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
