My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
