I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
