I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They are going to name an STD after you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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