I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
