I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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