i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
