3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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