I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
