he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
