I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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