I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize