I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
