He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
