There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
