I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
