My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
