we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
