take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
