Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
