I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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