Someone shit on the floor
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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