Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
