everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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