So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
