Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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