she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dicks are not precious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
