Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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