My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
