i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
