Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't shave. On purpose
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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