Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
