escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
