DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
