I wannas sexs uuuuu
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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