PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
