it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
