Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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