i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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