I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
