she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
