i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
