some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
