today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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