just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
