Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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