I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
