Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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