In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
