I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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