mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
