I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
