Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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