i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize