You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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