We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is the high leading the old right now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
