I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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