Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
