Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
