my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
