:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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