just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
