I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
