i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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